inns & taverns: the starveling goat

The last inn on the barrens road, half a day from the nearest village or croft.  The Goat is known for frugality. Dwarf pine, scraggy juniper and blackthorn eke precarious existences in the barrens.  Harsh land does not breed wealthy watering holes.  Worse, the Goat's first landlord died violently and was dragged to the Hells for his misdeeds.  Luxurious travellers spin yarns of the Goat's miserliness and add to it's evil reputation. Bandits avoid the barrens, preferring richer pickings.  

The Goat is a sprawling drywall bungalow, set in a hillside by the road.  Waist-high drywall corral half-feral pigs and skinny, black goats.  Smoke rises along the brow of the hill. The only window is shuttered and barred.  The sign is a wooden, white shield with black goat rampant chained to the roof timbers.  The land around is desolate, open country.  Wolfsong echoes in the hills and ravens announce kills.

The bungalow opens into a low-timbered hall with paired long tables and benches to sit sixteen.  Their arrangement as an aisle leads to a hearth flanked by hanging hides.  From behind these, the staff bring ale. Most food is prepared at the hearth, the remainder brought through from the hide-hidden rooms.  These are the landlord's quarters, a brewery, pantry and smokehouse.  The hall's floor is strewn with sawdust, dwarf pine needles and malting floor chaff to soak stains.  Hints of pine and burnt grain disturb dusty air soured with sweat.  Of the sixteen chairs, up to eight are occupied by poor goatherds, itinerant tinkers or travellers.

Customers favour watery pine ale with floral notes for three copper served in clay goblets. These usually accompany a goat cheese patty on toasted bread or thick malt porridge for sixteen copper.  Quality is barely better than the prices suggest.  Spendthrifts prefer sloe genever at two silver a jug or a thin broth that mixes goat, boar, juniper and sloe.  The house speciality is smoked boar sausage at four silver, a tasty alternative to iron rations.

Augus, the landlord is sallow, wrinkled and hunched.  His patched smock reeks of malt, pine and woodsmoke.  His energetic hands are ever polishing, pouring or checking stock.  His bloodshot green eyes fix on distinctive details.  Augus has an extended family of six working as staff, two spinsters and four bored youths.  The family could run the Goat but Augus has insider knowledge that serves him well.  He talks to the air sometimes - and it replies.  Augus has unseen help in an imp grooming him for greater evils than running the Goat.  For now, the imp is content.  All fear Augus enraged, his eyes glow and those restless hands are versed in both knife and cudgel.

Rooms are not available here.  For two silver, you can sleep near the hearth.  On cold winter nights, the goats are ushered in as well.  On these nights some guests hear the hearth sizzle and fluttering wings.  The staff will mock any sharing this insight. Guests are moved on regardless of need.  Laggards are expelled at dawn unless they buy breakfast.  Few people dare to stay a second day and night.  Nobody knows of anyone who has done so.

One of the spinsters has found love and plans to elope with her beau, a local goatherd.  Needless to say, Augus is less than pleased.  The hapless beau may find his fortunes soured, or face worse consequences, without some heroic help.

assorted dungeon statuary

There is always a need for strange statues in a dungeon.  Don't blink.

1. Alabaster elfmaid with mouth open in song fills 30' radius with unearthly music, calms 2d4 hit dice of listeners to inaction.
2. Bronze bull with sharp horns gives +1 to AC for 9 – level hours if an offering is made to it.
3. Copper wizard with staff lights unlit torches within 10' every 2 hours by harmless electrical discharge.
4. Crystalline woman in court dress when not looked at to reflect the mood of those within 30 feet.
5. Gem-eyed demon bearing a brazier illuminating up to 90' radius in torchlight.  Gems are 100gp each. 
6. Golden child offering blessing gives +1 to all saving throws for 9 – level hours if offering is made to it.
7. Iron warrior woman with battleaxe gives +1 to hit for 9 – level hours if an offering is made to it.
8. Leaden, shapeless many-eyed thing causes nausea in observers, irresistable to oozes or slimes.
9. Many-tentacled horror causes dread in observers.  If given to an undead they leave with it. 
10. Marble angel with elephant head gives +10' movement for 9 – level hours if an offering is made to it. 
11. Silver youth with snakes in hands cures 1 hit point every 2 hours resting within sight of the idol.
12. Verdigris man with octopus head gives +1 to damage rolls for 9 – level hours if offering is made to it.

food as set dressing

Peasants breaking bread (Wikimedia)

Over at Cirsova, a food and fantasy blog carnival runs until the 21st. Food can evoke emotion and conjure sense memory.  Responses to those emotions and sense memories are typically visceral. Dietary habits for people are primarily beholden to environment and agriculture.  Culture and religion may shape this further.  There are other factors involved of course.

• Exploration, conquest and trade may introduce new food.
  The popularity of garum (a pungent sauce made of rotted saltfish) among the Greeks, Romans and the Byzantines enabled trade across the Mediterranean and as far as Roman Britain.  The New World brought potatoes and tomatoes to Europe.  Chocolate (chocolatl) was another export that found favour with the Spanish.  Wars have been fought over salt and pepper inspired epic exploration.
  
• Immigrant populations may bring their own foods and spices. 
  The popularity of curry in Britain, or variations in Minnesota lutefisk follows immigrant influence; if your game has an invading population or a neighbouring culture, their food and drink influences yours. Elven baklava may be served with coffee and a pipeweed hookah in a free port tavern where halflings and elves have neighbourhoods in a Moorish-based settlement.
  
• Wealth and status brings a better class of food - usually.
  Access to certain ingredients (salt) and spices may require wealth.  Peasant staples are transformed by quality of ingredients.  Breads may have finer flour or more wheat.  Now add to this other dishes.  Laws mark foods (rabbit or venison) as noble perogatives.  Roasted meat means fresh good-quality meat, more likely noble fare.  Some noble delicacies however, are less than desirable.

In some settings, there is sufficient civilisation to ensure fine fare.  Courtly food may be about theatrics as much as taste.  Serving swan to royalty is mostly ostentation.  A high-fantasy equivalent may serve dressed cockatrice to nobles.  Magical augmentation of the meal is another option.  These combinations create meals worthy of fairytale.  A truly imaginative chef may have opportunities for extraplanar travel.

Other locations may have limited opportunities for the gourmet adventurer.  The dungeon expands culinary horizons out of necessity.  Roasted cave fish, select mushrooms and dwarven spirit may keep you happy (and off iron rations) for a little while until the wood runs out.  In the deeper underworld, your host might serve chilled goblin brains served in a trephinated skull.  Similar perils face those in desolate wilderness.  Arctic glaciers and burning deserts are not plentiful larders and eating sentients is an occupational hazard.

The discovery of exotic foods and drinks made fortunes.  Enterprising adventurers may find themselves in wars over spices.  If they inspired Marco Polo and Vasco de Gama to cross half the world, your lot might go some distance.  Royal charters, trading company monopolies, dragons with alternative hoards - all can provide unique adventures for characters. 

eggs is eggs, innit?

Czech decorated eggs courtesy of WikiMedia

Table V: A dozen dungeon eggs

1. Alabaster egg plays magic tinking chimes for 1d6 rounds when sat on it's end and spun clockwise.
2. Cock's egg laid by an enchanted rooster, this tainted item spawns a basilisk if incubated by a snake.
3. Duck's eggshell grenade filled with powder.  A successful to hit roll on a foe with eyes blinds them for d4 rounds.
4. Goose eggshell holds magic dust that reveals invisible objects, turning them pearlescent for 9 rounds.
5. Jewelled lacquered egg crusted in semi-precious stones worth 1d6 x 100gp.
6. Painted ceramic egg with formula for a 1st-level wizard spell in tiny writing.
7. Pitted egg of smelted iron, weighs 3 lb, workable into iron or steel or a meal for a rust monster.
8. Puzzle egg of brass and iron (needs Open Locks roll to open) contains a gem worth 100gp.
9. Quail's eggshell filled with a dose of dust causing inhaler to breathe water as air for 9 – level rounds.
10. Rubbery black egg useful as diversion.  If thrown, it does 1 + Strength non-lethal damage.
11. Tarnished silver egg contains 8 ounces of high-quality snuff (8gp) kept in perfect condition.
12. White, smooth egg, left to it's own devices a baby amphisbaena will hatch in 1d6 hours.